ADHD in Women

The self-doubt…

What is wrong with me?

Why does it seem like everyone else has it together, and I can’t even make it to the grocery store?

Oh my god, I forgot to call you back. I am SO sorry (for the hundredth time).

I can’t have anyone over. My house is a mess!

I feel like a failure and a bad human.

Does this feel familiar?

ADHD in people socialized as girls and women largely goes unseen and unrecognized, and it comes with buckets of self-criticism and judgment.

Symptoms look drastically different from the stereotypical eight-year-old boy who runs around the classroom.

People socialized as girls and women feel more of a desire to “fit in” socially, and they’re better able to hide their “symptoms.” The result is that they tend to internalize their differences.

So… what does this look like?

Often, it looks like a young girl in elementary school having to work extra hard, keeping a messier space, finding peer relationships a bit more challenging, or having a harder time regulating her emotions.

This is when the self-criticism begins:

I’m different.

I’m not as good.

Then, over time, as things get more difficult in school and peer relationships become more complex, the internalization and negative self-talk become overwhelming. Unfortunately, because this child or teen is working SUPER hard at hiding it, she doesn’t stand out as needing intervention or assistance.

Symptoms then develop, from anxiety and depression to a deep sense that “there’s something wrong with me.” And when this “unseen ADD” persists into adulthood, these women often go to therapy for years with little improvement.

Risk-taking behaviors and eating disorders are also more prevalent in girls and women with ADHD.

“Attention Deficit Disorder” – a TERRIBLE name!

ADD/ADHD is not a disorder, and it’s not a deficit of attention. Actually, ADDers have an abundance of attention for some things. So, let’s stop pathologizing!

People with ADD were EXCELLENT hunters-gatherers (“Look… berries!” “Look… did you see that over there? Dinner!”), and research indicates that this trait was evolutionarily selected. The problem is that all those excellent hunter-gatherers have now found themselves in an agrarian world that values planning, focused attention, and a whole lot of sitting.

It’s no wonder you feel like you don’t belong!

So… does that mean you need to move to the woods, start a commune, and hunt your own food? You definitely can. I won’t stand in your way (actually, I’ll help you plan and maybe come along??)!

But if that’s not what you’re looking for, what is a hunter-gatherer supposed to do in an agrarian world?

I can help!

I have loads of experience helping women with attention differences personally (yes, I am a hunter-gatherer in an agrarian world) and professionally.

We’ll start by identifying how these attention issues are getting in your way. Labels can be VERY helpful because they EXPLAIN and VALIDATE your experience. There is nothing wrong with you – your brain works differently in a really cool way.

Then, we’ll talk about options…

Medication is a personal choice, and I’ll help walk you through that process. While medication is the right choice for some, it won’t make your ADD disappear (remember – there is no disorder here!), nor will it erase the years of critical self-talk. But it can be a great start! Medication is NOT the right choice for others, and that’s okay, too!

Either way, there are many ways to harness your brainpower to support you in today’s world. Together, we will work on life hacks, quiet your inner critic, and use mindfulness and meditation to train your brain when focused attention is necessary.

Do you work with girls who have ADD?

Great question!

Yes, but… while I can help youth with ADHD learn more about their emotions and help them challenge negative self-talk, children cannot make the environmental changes necessary to support their ADD. Therefore, I believe the most important thing is working with parents to create environments that allow their children to shine using their natural abilities.

I can help you as a parent create a more ADD-friendly home, give you tools to talk to the school, make informed educational choices, and walk you through the decision to medicate or not. Some schools can be great in supporting their students with learning or attention differences. But some are not, and it can be an incredibly frustrating experience for parents and children alike.

If you feel like ADD might be an issue for you or your child…

Do not hesitate to reach out.

I understand the negative impacts of being a hunter-gatherer in an agrarian world. While I can’t change your brain or society, I can help you find strategies that fit better in your life and allow you to have a greater sense of self-compassion and understanding.

Please contact me today for a free 15-minute consultation: email agarrattcounseling@gmail.com.